Aches and Pains

I ache with internal pain
Laughter on the outside shell
But within, I feel the fires of hell
Honestly, I fight everyday off
Trying to understand my aching heart
That beats to such horrible screams
And I try and shut off my brain
As my mind is raped by terrifying dreams
Each morning I fend off these fiends
Of my inner self-destructive demons
So much pain in everyday life
Cutting my moral foundations like a knife
And what may be the biggest joke of all
Is I am here fully fighting to live
When really I am just living to die
But thats the whats so beautiful
The struggle to make the meaningless
Into something that has meaning